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What can a Divorce Coach or Family Relationship Specialist Do for me?

Personal issues - A coach can help you…

  • Honor your feelings of grief and anger over the many losses that result from your divorce.
  • Find appropriate sources of emotional support to replace ones you have lost.
  • Learn how to reduce your anxiety and stress as you make decisions about your future.
  • Manage the strong emotions that are a natural part of this process.
  • Understand the other partners outlook on an issue even if you don’t agree with it.
  • Identify what each of you does that triggers the other to react negatively.
  • Clarify what is important to you , your values and intentions.
Counseling Services of Arizona
Counseling Services of Arizona

Legal process issues - A coach can help you…

  • Figure out where you may be stuck emotionally and what may be causing you to prolong the legal process.
  • Clarify and articulate to your spouse and attorney the personal goals and values you want reflected in the divorce settlement.
  • Stay accountable to the goals you have set for your future and that of your children.
  • Stay focused on working toward win-win solutions, both short and long term.

Co-parent issues - A coach can help you…

  • Learn how to communicate with your co-parent in the best interests of your children.
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  • Negotiate terms of your co-parenting plan both during the divorce and in later years as needs change.
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Collaborative Divorce

Mediation Explained

Why Use a Divorce Coach or Family Relationship Specialist?

Divorce is more than a legal process:
Divorce is usually thought of as only a legal process in which couples hire lawyers, may go to court, and come out with a document (some paperwork) that officially ends the marriage in the eyes of the law. However, collaborative team professionals understand that separation or divorce is much more than just a legal process. It is an emotional, social, spiritual, and financial journey that includes a legal event as one step along the way. Just as marriage is much more than a “piece of paper,” the process of divorce is far more than simply “signing the final agreement.” The emotional journey of divorce involves letting go of old ways of relating (as spouses) and learning new ways of acting including how to be co-parents if the couple has children.

Strong feelings can get in the way:
Research has shown that divorce is one of the most stressful life events a person can face. It is a major life transition and can be a very disorienting experience. For most people, getting divorced involves loss on many levels. These can include loss of control, loss of a dream, loss of trust, loss of stability, loss of a best friend, loss of financial security, loss of connection to shared friends and community, and loss of identity as a married person, among others.
Given this level of life disruption, powerful feelings of anger and grief about the end of the marriage are common. So are anxious thoughts about the future such as “Will I be okay?” These thoughts and feelings are normal as divorcing couples go through this transition. Nonetheless, they can and often do hinder the divorce process. For example, one spouse’s anger at the other spouse may prompt acting out in an effort to retaliate. Fear of the unknown may cause them to stall the process. Grief about what has been lost may hamper their ability to visualize and move toward a different future. Many people feel ruled by their emotions at this time that can keep them from making sound decisions.

Communication can be difficult:
Often spouses are in different stages of acceptance about the end of their marriage or partnership. One may be in denial that the divorce is even happening while the other may be wanting a quick resolution. They may blame each other. They may differ in how well they assert themselves and in their comfort with conflict. They may compete over who is the better parent. Any of these tendencies can cause friction and undermine their ability to act in the best interests of their (redefined) family moving forward.